[Dreams:Wishes-Life] a journey.

I am not exactly feeling all hyper and crazy, in fact, its the exact opposite of it. I had a screwed up day and i am totally not in any mood to be studying for a major test tomorrow. I swear i hate this feeling but there is nothing i can do to it. I feel as if i am burdened by something or maybe a lot of things and they just keep piling on me.. Its really taking over my life and i hate it, I must say, i have tried to change but it never works. I guess i need some kind of motivation for me to do it. I probably should count my blessings and not complain but i cant help it okay. I am also a human and i need to get a lot of things of my shoulders. At times i really wish i can throw all of it away. Like society's expectations and all the responsibilities that i have. I want to discard all of them.

Just let me eat until i gain tons of weight and not bother about how i look. Let my tie some kind of screwed up wacky hairstyle and ignore what people say about it. Let me fail all my tests and not give a hoot. Let me wear ill-fitting and clashing clothes and walk out into the streets like I own it. Let me speak to everyone and not care if i mess up. Let me love someone so hard that i can ignore how much it hurts. Most of all, let me be me..

Why is it always like this? I keep caring about what people think of me when actually, its not at all important. Like how i behave or talk or look. Does it matter? Why cant i just do whatever i like? At the end of the day after all this, i'm still going to be the plain Jane, im just going to be like every other girl who thinks -tying your ponytail high, wearing ankle socks and folding your skirt until its short- is cool. But i don't want to be like that. I don't want to look like "every other girl'. i don't want to behave the way or act the way i'm supposed to just because every one is acting like that. NO! i want to be free. That is all i ask of. Can i bear to break out of that shell? CAN I?

"Your a bright shining star and you blind the path. Its obvious but i don't want it to be okay. I'm also a human and i think i deserve a chance. Oh what the hell am i saying. I am supposed to be studying for the test remember?! obviously not. but you keep lingering in my mind and i can't freaking concentrate! why must you be so cool.. Its killing me."

Decided to go for the dance workshop on lyrical hip hop and girls hip hop. i hope that i would like it and not waste my 26 dollars. I went to the gym to exercise today and glad to say that i have burnt a few hundred calories but in the end, i out them all back with meatballs from Ikea and sushi from Giant. But it was all worth while. I really like the gym there i think i would go back soon. I need to go out tomorrow to buy materials for a card for Miss Rawdah and so need to contact people. Anyway, i also need to practice the guitar but my brother used it first..):

Really hope that i will be able to dance and go for proper classes!

"You know, i never thought that there was a chance and i still don't think so. Anyway i feel bad and i really hope that it was not my fault that you decided on that. You have a nice voice and i was saying it for fun."

It was a truly tiring day. Went to school with eyes half closed and had to endure lessons which were a bore. I decided that i needed to buck up and start doing work but in the end, really was too tired and went through the day half asleep. I didn't expect somethings but i guess in life, you cant always get what you want. Auditions are tomorrow and we are definitely not prepared. Complications have arisen and i really don't know what to do. I really want to pursue this path but obviously i cant do it alone. This is really hard. I know. No one said that it would be easy. I would just have to grit my teeth and bear with it until the end. Like someone once told me "Be the matter great or small, do it well or not at all"  So i guess since i have started, i should just finish it and not stop halfway.

Anyway i saw this one-day dance course and i intend to go and join. Its $12 for 1hr 30min so i guess its reasonable.

"I'm glad it all turned out well. I was afraid that something might happen but i guess its all okay. I have heard what i already know but  guess its a real confirmation and there is nothing to argue about it because, well its a given that they were known longer."

So, I had a good time yesterday at the beach, we cycled, ate, chatted. Its really nice to get together once in a while. It was a pity though that we didn't see any fireworks but there were helicopters and airplanes! I'm guessing next year we will be going to the Marina Barrage, and we can fly kites! Anyway the day just went by in the blink of an eye and i never got to process it all. But then, today is a new day and so i shall achieve somethings that i need to do. Its currently drizzling but thats nice because it was really warm yesterday night. Anyway, i intend to learn more songs and learn to play properly from those online videos..

"Thanks for the good time i had. If only we could have stayed like that forever but in the end we have to face reality and live our lives.. but this time, we do it the way WE want to"

Going to the beach later with friends. A time to getaway from all the buzz and the hectic life, a time to relax... Well, things are pretty complicated. The band, school, friends. Its just too much. Now I don't even know where the band is going. Ahh, what to do. But taking time off all these just to appreciate the things around you, the gifts from Mother Nature. Look up in the sky and see the clouds, see the birds. why not? Look at the flowers in the garden, the grass. Be grateful for all of these. I should be and yet i don't. Why? I know what i am supposed to do, i know that i should appreciate things and treasure them. but i don't. Saying and doing are two totally different things. I wish i was better. I wish i did.

"I don't know what is going to happen. Why do all of you just say things out but take no action? Why am I the only one who is fighting for it while you all just sit back and watch as if you had nothing to do with it. Why am i the only one fighting for OUR dream?"

Well, since I figured no one would read this, I'm pretty much writing to myself. But still if it helps, why not? So yeah this is a new start, I'm not going to do anything fancy but just more of my rants and music. Decided not to remove my previous posts or to start a new blog because well, I don't want to throw away the past either. Just move on. So a new beginning a brand new story, of my life. Yeah. I love this. Occasional pictures might be up to.:D

"You know, you should learn to decide. Don't say that you want something only to change your mind later. It really is quite irritating and no, I don't appreciate your attitude either. You call that a fucked up attitude but have you even thought about your own?"

LMAOROFLBTCSTCNDBFOOTWI FOAGWLLBGWTHROOTSAIAKBAYB.

Laughing my ass off rolling on floor biting the carpet, scaring the cat, nearly dying by falling out of the window in front of a guy who looks like Bill Gates, who then horrified runs out on the street and is accidentally killed by a yellow bulldozer.

NEVER AGAIN WILL I SAY "LOL". HAHAHA

cool right? read it at MLIA!!((:

I have made my decision! Haha in case you were wondering what decision, I have finally decided what to do with my life! Lol, not exactly my whole life but at least until next year.((:

List of things I shall do:

-Go and jog at LEAST once a week.(seriously need this..xD)

-'Revamp' my room.

-Change my wardrobe.(not so important.haha)

-To learn photoshop properly and post at least one thing on Devaintart!

-Find out what I am gtood in.(like what my true forte is?)

-To learn how to change the internet "server" on my laptop.

-Go shopping with Steph and Ahjer!(important-ish)((:

-STUDY???x.x

-Change my hairstyle.

-BE A NEW PERSON!!!(LOL im serious....-ish! ahaha)

So there, its all down(or up)there! hahaha it was just a thought on how to improve my life and not just spend th whole day on the TV or on the com playing... Shall update on the progress though.((:

I SHALL NOT BE LAZYY!!!!((: Ohoh!! I have one more..

-To post something on MLIA!!!((:

Quote of the day,

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?

ClaricE . SelesnYA

TRALALA! haha well im currentlygoing to start posting soon cause seriously bored with nothing to do.. Am going to upload some pictures soon cause phone running out of memory.. :P Well lets see... OHOH rightt, went to genting and it was so-so.. not very fun but still okay haha.. got to sit some really fun rides but then it was the stupid bus journey that spoilt everything.. LOL ohoh and the me falling down and getting injured part was not very fun either.. HAHA.. i spoilt/TORE a perfectly good pair of jeans( my Fave pair) ;( LOL ohwell!!..... oh and we had till 7 to play but it RAINED!!! and so we played till 2? and then the other 5 hours were wasted...x.x

hmm, the arcade there was quite okay.. Most of the games there gave tickets and we got like 650 tickets? hahahahhaa and so exchanged a pillow and a pen.xD lol but it was the fun of it all((: haha so that was pretty much the whole trip! Maybe will be heading off the Veitnam in Dec to go and join my dad there.. Lol but until then..((:

Right now, there are two people who are supposed to be enjoying themselves but stuck in an awkward situation!! Ohwell, ALL THE BEST TO THEM!((:

HAHAHAHHAA

Quote of the day,

The greatest mistake is trying to be more agreeable than you can be.

SelesnYA . ClaricE

Heyyass.. HAHHA suddenly had an URGE to post because...I saw/read SOME PEOPLE'S POST.... I believ you know who you are.. THOSE 2 who went on the 'so called emo mrt ride' HUH>>> you people suck manzxz!! HAHAHA hate you!x.x LOLOLOL.. lmao and you know whatt i realized that i posted about ikt myself anw.. HAHA but its ME!! hahahahhaa so i have the right kayys!!! hahahaha

o.o hahaha make me throw face nia... LOLOL and hmm lets see what else to update.. oh yeahh!! Currently unsure of my subject  combi manzxz.. HAHAHA GOSH, really needa think it through! lol and currently looking forward to the holidays! LOLOL going Genting on the 8th November -10th November or 11 or 12?? HAHAHA hahaha yeap so.. hahaha cant really think of what to post lah.. LOL brain blockage..xDD

Hmm,today was just plain boring.. HAHAHA oh the emo mrt ride.. HAHA i DUN WANA talk about that(JUST REALIZED I POSTED ABOUT IT ALR!!o.o) hahaha so i guess thats all bahs!!! LOLOL

Quote of the day,

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

ClaricE . SelesnYA